The passing of time and classmates

Sad news today. Dottie Kranz Deuel had a massive heart attack and asked the doctors to remove the respirator. Dottie was my gymnastics partner in gym class. She was so tiny I could let her stand on my thighs and hold her up there while she did the angel pose. And she could do a shoulder stand on my back when I was on all fours. Too short for volleyball and not a very good shot at basketball, but she could blast a softball into the extra ballfield at the end of the school property. And run like a rabbit.

I never heard Dottie say a catty word about anyone. My most immediate memory is of her laughing. I think she and her boyfriend (and later her husband) were elected prom king and queen. Or maybe in the court. Anyway, she dated one of the best looking guys in the class, and they were a cute couple.

I wouldn't say I was envious of Dottie because she was so friendly and nice to everyone it was hard to have a bad feeling about her. I not only never made prom queen, I had to practically bribe guys to take me to dances like that. I never had a steady boyfriend in high school much less one of the "cool" guys like Brian Deuel.

After graduation, I don't remember if I ran into Dottie at any reunions, at least not until our 45th which was actually in the 46th year after graduation because no one took the initiative to organize a party for 2002. Actually, I don't think I thought of Dottie at all for 40 years or more. But at the 50th reunion in 2007, we spent time together rehearsing two songs for the banquet entertainment. Dottie was cheerful as always. She asked about my family, what I'd been doing with my life, etc. I like people who take an interest in the lives of others and don't just talk about themselves all the time. She and I reminisced about our fun times in gym class, the teacher, being embarrassed in our ugly gym outfits when we had to combine with the boys for square dance lessons.

I noticed at the banquet that Brian didn't look very alert. Later someone told me he is an alcoholic and that he and Dottie had separated on and off in recent years. The information shattered my image of the prom king and queen. I had to face the fact that I had been jealous of their long marriage because mine ended so painfully. Knowing that several of my classmates had stayed married all those years made me feel like a failure. I assumed they were blissfully happy and living the storybook lives we all fantasized about in school.

It turns out everyone has some kind of burden to carry. I had no idea that Dottie had been living with an alcoholic. How stressful that must have been and how heartbreaking.

The email I received from a classmate said that Dottie and Brian had been to the Rose Parade last week, something she had always wanted to do. I'm glad she got her wish. It just doesn't seem right that someone who lived such an active life should die of a heart attack. Where is the justice in that?

With the passing of each classmate, I feel a part of myself die. They were part of "our story." My life was enriched by the friends I grew up with. When one of them passes, part of "our story" dies. It's like losing a member of a family. Or the bond that is broken by divorce. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. John Donne was right - when someone dies, a part of the whole is lost too. The bell tolls for all of us.

Rest in peace, Dottie. You know you were loved, and that had to be some comfort.
Your friend and gym partner,
susan